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Share my top secret recipes? Heck, no, But Here’s a Dangled Carrot

There are recipes, and there are RECIPES. Some are almost public property, being common knowledge and other are heirlooms like Aunt Sue’s Kickass Chili. If you ask me how to make guacamole, I’m happy to advise on the 7 ingredients and how I mix 6 together and toss with chopped avocado. But my baking I protect like it has been patented.

Here are some tips to share this type of state secret:

  • Write the recipe in Latin: IV poculi caseum gratum
  • Use invisible ink, like this:
  • Translate volume to weight: 254 grams rice flour
  • Make up excuses that are uncomfortable or tragic: “I had a small house fire and lost, oddly, only my recipe cards and my report cards from college…”
  • Distract with an elaborate story: “M.G. I am so glad you called. You will NOT believe what just happened to me…” and launch into some fantasy about leprechauns who crochet car cozies or one of those intractable monologues about your friend’s friend whose co-worker’s sister-in-law was interviewed on the local news wearing a sweater you designed fourteen years ago while working at Ralph Lauren.
  • Or pass off of your friend’s recipe as your own and share that one.

Here I take advantage of a friend, exercising my rights to point 6.

World’s Best Carrot Cake

Pre-heat oven to 325

Grease and flour the bottom and sides of both pans.


Mix dry ingredients together in bowl, sift or whisk until well blended

2 cups flour

2 cups sugar

1 tsp salt

3 tsp cinnamon

2 tsp baking soda



3 cups shredded carrots

4 large eggs, whisk with fork separately first

1 ½ cups or 3 sticks unsalted butter, melted


Mix well by hand, do not use a electric blender.

Fold into 9x13 pan or 2 x 9” cake pans

Bake at 325* for 45 minutes or until cake is springy when touched and when a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean.



Let butter and cream cheese soften in a bowl at room temperatures. Add vanilla and powdered sugar, mix with beater until smooth.


1 stick unsalted butter

1 package cream cheese

3 tsp Connecticut Cookie Company vanilla

1 16 oz. box confectioner’s sugar





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